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Author Topic: The Good, The Bad, and the Indifferent  (Read 4704 times)

debeez

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The Good, The Bad, and the Indifferent
« Reply #15 on: May 16, 2005, 08:48:00 am »

Pagan-

Yeah, I think you nailed it...its the 'teen gene'.  Things have settled down even more.  She had Saturday off and there was a city-wide garage sale that we all had fun at...she got some good clothes for work and then went shopping for me for my birthday.  I'm the big 35 tomorrow.  This will be the first birthday ever that she's bought me a present with her own money.  

I keep telling her that she doesn't need to buy me anything...she could just make me a present, draw me a picture, write a poem...she's talented that way.

I've always preferred to give handmade gifts myself...I cross-stitch these big projects that take a year or more to finish and then give them to her or my mother.

On Sunday she was up at 6:30 and gone by 7:30 to be at work by 8.  I breathed a sigh of relief that she doesn't expect me to get her up each morning...another good sign of maturity.

It is a lot of getting used to for her, especially the long days on her feet.  Another is that she doesn't have a ton of money, since I have insisted that she put 50% of her net earnings into her savings account to save for any tuition costs above and beyond the Pell Grant and she also has to pay for her car insurance.  Another 1/4 of her paycheck goes to paying us back for 1/2 of the car insurance that I paid in March and all of the repairs to the truck she damaged.  

The good news is that I sat down and forecasted it for her...at 30 hours a week of work, she will manage to squirrel away into savings nearly $400 per month AND have us paid off by the end of the summer.  She got very excited about it and realized that she could manage to buy a car, a decent used one, by this time next year while still being able to pay for any extra tuition costs AND her car insurance.  

She's listening...and learning...and working hard...I can't ask for much more than that.
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Christine
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Mostly Harmless

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The Good, The Bad, and the Indifferent
« Reply #16 on: May 17, 2005, 12:31:28 pm »

Quote
She's listening...and learning...and working hard...I can't ask for much more than that.
Very good! Sounds like she's going to turn into a very fine adult one of these days.

And happy birthday on the big 35!  I'm going to hit the double nickel Memorial Day weekend. And it's still getting better (apart from politics and the economy that is!)
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debeez

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« Reply #17 on: May 17, 2005, 04:55:34 pm »

Thanks Mostly...

Have had a good b-day so far.  Broke the news to my mom that I was going to try to have another future teenbeast...her look of horror was classic, wish I had been holding a camera.

She just can't understand my wanting to have another kiddo.  And she swears I will really be unlucky the second time around..."You can't possibly get lucky twice" she said.

[sigh]
 
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Christine
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Roy J. Tellason

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The Good, The Bad, and the Indifferent
« Reply #18 on: May 17, 2005, 06:20:19 pm »

Quote
Thanks Mostly...

Have had a good b-day so far.  Broke the news to my mom that I was going to try to have another future teenbeast...her look of horror was classic, wish I had been holding a camera.

She just can't understand my wanting to have another kiddo.  And she swears I will really be unlucky the second time around..."You can't possibly get lucky twice" she said.

[sigh]
Oh sure,  you did what you did and "it was just luck"!

Gotta love it when people come out with stuff like that...
 
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Mostly Harmless

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The Good, The Bad, and the Indifferent
« Reply #19 on: May 17, 2005, 07:40:13 pm »

Luck has very little to do with it.

Parenting is an activity, not a passive state of being.
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Roy J. Tellason

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« Reply #20 on: May 18, 2005, 07:48:27 pm »

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Luck has very little to do with it.

Parenting is an activity, not a passive state of being.
Damn straight.

Oh,  did I leave out those <sarcasm></sarcasm> tokens again?  Whoops.
 
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Member of the toughest, meanest, deadliest, most unrelenting -- and ablest -- form of life in this section of space,  a critter that can be killed but can't be tamed.  --Robert A. Heinlein, "The Puppet Masters"
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debeez

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« Reply #21 on: May 19, 2005, 08:47:03 am »

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Parenting is an activity, not a passive state of being.

That's a perfect way of describing it.

I taught parenting classes for seven years at the YWCA in California.  Worked with couples, single parents, non-custodial parents, and finally specialized in the mandatory classes for those going through divorces in Santa Clara County.  Talk about some pissed off people...they were forced by the judges to go to the classes if they had any kind of dispute about custody during the divorce.

I would usually start the class by telling them that we had lied to them..."we told you this was a class on parenting, but it isn't.  It's a class about communication skills, and about understanding why people do what they do...and what you learn here you can use on anyone, parents, partners, kids, your boss, friends and co-workers."

We would then proceed to delve into motivations for certain behaviors, obviously focusing on kids behaviors, and then classify them if possible.  Understanding WHY someone is doing what they are doing allows you to work the issue from a different angle, get down to the nitty gritty and deal with the underlying problem.  

There was a great deal more that I taught...anger is a secondary emotion to fear or pain...identifying our values in order to understand and identify what we wanted to instill in our children...taking control of situations...foreshadowing for young children...getting down to their level and listening techniques...using 'I' instead of 'you'...all sorts of things.

It was always very satisfying to see parents start to mellow out by the 2nd or 3rd class (of an 8 week session) and say to me, "I was really pissed at someone trying to tell me how to parent, or telling me I had to come to this class, but I really like what I'm learning and it's helping."

Just thinking about it makes me want to start teaching the classes again.
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Christine
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