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Author Topic: The Tale of the Saber-tooth Jackalope  (Read 191 times)

FDD

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The Tale of the Saber-tooth Jackalope
« on: March 28, 2019, 10:14:42 am »

Where have all the wild Jackalopes gone?

A rare throw-back to the days of the dinosaurs, when it's ancestors - The Great Saber-toothed Jackalope - ruled the high plains.
Fossil remains show they could attain heights of 8ft., and cave paintings show that in groups of 3 - these camivorous beast could bring down the mighty Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Today's "throw-back" seems to serve as a "cannibalistic population controller", thus ensuring the Jackalope's status as a rare creature.
Products of an otherwise normal litter, they're only born once in a blue moon, and are the runt and last born.
Once they have eliminated their siblings (and other nearby relatives), they are quite docile, feeding mainly on small animals and insects - thus controlling pests on the plain.
Although they can be either male or female, they appear to have no mating desire at all - and indeed, eliminate any Jackalope attempting to mate.

Rarely achieving a height over 3ft. (today), it's powerful leg muscles are capable of propelling it up to 25ft, (or more with the wind to it's back).
They appear to derive great pleasure from racing Antelopes, and sheepherders have reported that they "laugh like crazy" after out distancing them.

Typically shy and reclusive (as all Jackalopes are), they have been known to attack man or beast with their large fands and clawed front feet - when cornered or spooked - especially when several band together for their favorite sport of "Wolf Hunt" or the simple game of "catch the birdie" (which seems to be only a contest of high-jumping, as they always let the bird go.
Some Zoologists speculate the feathers tickle their throat).

WARNING ! If you happen across one - it is recommended that you quickly take a picture!
And then, after ensuring that you are up upwind from it, moo like a cow - as they can't seen to tolerate milk products!

Affirmation - To the best of my recollection, this is a true and accurate retelling of the facts as told to me by a cowboy hitchhiking to "Somewhere between Montana and Wyoming".
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If we want our grandchildren to be able to give thanks for being Americans, we'll need to.....start steering a course away from government control of our lives-and start moving back toward greater personal responsibility.   Ed Feulner

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mouse

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Re: The Tale of the Saber-tooth Jackalope
« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2019, 05:06:22 pm »

Where have all the wild Jackalopes gone?  We don't need to worry any more.  They have all mostly gone to California, though they are attracted to big cities like New York or Chicago.  More adventurous ones have settled all over Europe, they can now be found in Austria, France, Germany (hell, just about any European country except maybe Hungary or Poland and don't seem to have made it to Russia).

They are now popping up like cockroaches in NZ and unfortunately it looks like we will get overwhelmed with them.  The ones I have seen are dangerous and easily "triggered" and offended.

However, as these people - err ... I mean Jackalopes ... feed on their own kind and do not reproduce, there seems little danger of their continued existance into the next generation. 

"Lactose intolderance", gluten intolerance" and their desire to eat highly processed foods and tofu, seem to be a way of controlling their population though.  We just need to hike up the price of soy, fancy breads and bottled water by 2000% to achieve this.

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FDD

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Re: The Tale of the Saber-tooth Jackalope
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2019, 06:20:35 am »

this is a Jackalope
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Nobody needs an AR-15
Nobody needs a whiny little bitch ether, yet here you are

If we want our grandchildren to be able to give thanks for being Americans, we'll need to.....start steering a course away from government control of our lives-and start moving back toward greater personal responsibility.   Ed Feulner

I think, therefore I am not a progressive liberal socialist marxist democrat

That's WY

mouse

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Re: The Tale of the Saber-tooth Jackalope
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2019, 06:40:12 am »

this is a Jackalope

Yep.  Put a pink "pussy hat" on it and teach it to scream obscenities and it would be just another lactose intolerant beta male Hillary Clinton supporter.
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FDD

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Re: The Tale of the Saber-tooth Jackalope
« Reply #4 on: March 29, 2019, 07:06:31 am »

Well, the Jackalope hunting season here in Natrona & Converse county is from sun raise to sun set on June 31
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Nobody needs an AR-15
Nobody needs a whiny little bitch ether, yet here you are

If we want our grandchildren to be able to give thanks for being Americans, we'll need to.....start steering a course away from government control of our lives-and start moving back toward greater personal responsibility.   Ed Feulner

I think, therefore I am not a progressive liberal socialist marxist democrat

That's WY
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