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Author Topic: The Crumbler: Book I - Six Sides  (Read 14537 times)

Bill St. Clair

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Re: The Crumbler: Book I - Six Sides
« Reply #30 on: April 09, 2007, 01:15:18 pm »

Wow! Just... Wow!
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"The state can only survive as long as a majority is programmed to believe that theft isn't wrong if it's called taxation or asset forfeiture or eminent domain, that assault and kidnapping isn't wrong if it's called arrest, that mass murder isn't wrong if it's called war." -- Bill St. Clair

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Supertwist

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Re: The Crumbler: Book I - Six Sides
« Reply #31 on: April 09, 2007, 02:41:27 pm »

Wonderful!  I've been eagerly waiting for more of this story and look forward to seeing where it goes.

One thing I know I need to work on is that Marie seems a bit too smart for 9 years old. I'd like peoples opinion on this: should I increase her age a couple of years, add detail on the fact that she's a very intellectually gifted child, or try to rewrite her 'younger'?

I think that children who deal with adversity early in life can exhibit more emotional maturity, especially if they are highly intelligent, so I like Marie as written.
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Jac

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Re: The Crumbler: Book I - Six Sides
« Reply #32 on: April 09, 2007, 07:58:45 pm »

I do have one question, though, George... where're the talking rabbits? :P
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I have never regretted that I chose to "take the red pill." But there are days, just rarely, when the truth is so ugly, so brutal, so unmerciful, so relentless, that even if I wouldn't rip the truth from the wall socket and hurl it out the window to crash on the sidewalk below, I wouldn't mind if it featured a snooze button so we could savor just a few more moments in slumbered pretension and warm, fuzzy lies pulled snugly up over our heads.
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George Potter

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Re: The Crumbler: Book I - Six Sides
« Reply #33 on: April 09, 2007, 11:50:48 pm »

I do have one question, though, George... where're the talking rabbits? :P

Stew and sammiges, of course. :D
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George Potter

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Re: The Crumbler: Book I - Six Sides
« Reply #34 on: April 09, 2007, 11:59:57 pm »

Loving this, George.  Very weird and evocative.  Unexpected things come at you from unanticipated directions, but always with just enough logic.

More, dammit!  Faster!  :whip2:

AGHHH! MY EYE!!!!

:P

Things get weirder. Chapter 4 brings the ghost of Carl Sandburg into play....Chapter 5 introduces a woman burdened with all of human knowledge seperated amongst multiple personalities...Chapter 6 rounds out our cast with a drifter who inherits a Freightliner semi powered by a banshee.

Then I stop messing around and get REALLY freaky! :D

I'm going to concentrate on finishing, cleaning up and polishing 4, 5, and 6 this week. They are in true rough draft form....chunks of writing with (NOTE: add more here) and 'Kevin turned and said "(Dialouge)"'.
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Rarick

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Re: The Crumbler: Book I - Six Sides
« Reply #35 on: April 10, 2007, 12:10:36 am »

Seriously twisted with enough self contained logic to make a certain amount of sense.  A definate requirement to adapt your world view, which makes one reasses the typical assumptions.  This is one of those "thinking reader's stories" that is good brain excersise(Sp? hate the word).

Good plot line building as well.
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George Potter

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Re: The Crumbler: Book I - Six Sides
« Reply #36 on: April 10, 2007, 02:48:30 am »

I let a friend read this earlier and she emailed me a bit ago. She enjoyed it and said she was 'hooked'. She made a comment that I found quite interesting:

Quote
As ignorant as I (and most folks I know) am about computers, this could actually be how they work.

I may well have tapped into an interesting set of submerged superstitions here. :D
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Roy J. Tellason

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Re: The Crumbler: Book I - Six Sides
« Reply #37 on: April 10, 2007, 03:20:04 am »

I let a friend read this earlier and she emailed me a bit ago. She enjoyed it and said she was 'hooked'. She made a comment that I found quite interesting:

Quote
As ignorant as I (and most folks I know) am about computers, this could actually be how they work.

I may well have tapped into an interesting set of submerged superstitions here. :D


My sweetie,  OTOH,  has this whole theory about "the little computer people" that live in there...
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Joel

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Re: The Crumbler: Book I - Six Sides
« Reply #38 on: April 10, 2007, 10:37:57 am »

I let a friend read this earlier and she emailed me a bit ago. She enjoyed it and said she was 'hooked'. She made a comment that I found quite interesting:

Quote
As ignorant as I (and most folks I know) am about computers, this could actually be how they work.

I may well have tapped into an interesting set of submerged superstitions here. :D


Ah, yes.  The IFM* Principle.  Automatic transmissions use it, too.  Unfortunately the publishing industry seems to use a version right out of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.






* It's Fucking  Magic
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Lazarus Long

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Re: The Crumbler: Book I - Six Sides
« Reply #39 on: April 12, 2007, 12:33:44 am »

...like I told a friend, 'The world doesn't need another 1000 page 25lb libertarian tome!'

"The world" can bite me.

What you've written clearly transcends "libertarian."

As Mae West said, too much of a good thing can be wonderful.

1000 pages of true and vivid dreaming... quit makin' me slaver.




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"Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is... a sort of mental revolution." - Orwell

George Potter

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Re: The Crumbler: Book I - Six Sides
« Reply #40 on: April 12, 2007, 02:16:49 am »

...like I told a friend, 'The world doesn't need another 1000 page 25lb libertarian tome!'

"The world" can bite me.

May be fairer to say: I look upon the prospect of writing a thousand page novel with dread and Lovecraftian horror. I don't even like reading 1000 page novels! At a certain point even the most vivid of description and insightful charachterization begins to feel like filler. I'm shooting for 120,000 words. Based on my general pattern, I'll more than likely overrun that by at least 20%. We're looking at around 400 pages, give or take a few.

Quote
What you've written clearly transcends "libertarian."

I hope so, in the sense that a non-libertarian wouldn't notice anything all that peculiar about the way the characters act. But libertarian readers will be able to say: "This book is very libertarian in tone and philosophy." Individualism, self reliance, self defense and the concept of reciprocal justice will be big themes. Chaos equating to freedom in all its messy glory and Order to slavery in all its regimented 'safety' is an intentionally provocative paradigm shift from standard fantasy.







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the small one

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Re: The Crumbler: Book I - Six Sides
« Reply #41 on: April 12, 2007, 04:01:43 pm »

Bravo!! And thank you for sharing this.  It's riveting!
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asbestosman

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Re: The Crumbler: Book I - Six Sides
« Reply #42 on: April 13, 2007, 10:03:55 pm »

Please sir may i have some more?

sheeite guy you can write!!! this story raised the hair on the back of my neck. when you get her published put me down for a copy.

don't try to dumb the kid down. she is more adult than some adult just through life experience.

just wondering what the tarot deck from this would look like? :huh:

so much potential in all the characters just waiting to jump out and grab the reader and give'em a good shake.

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George Potter

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Re: The Crumbler: Book I - Six Sides
« Reply #43 on: April 20, 2007, 07:03:50 pm »


I keep meaning to clean up and finish the rough Chapters 4-6 (and the Interlude between Books I & II) but the novel has taken on its own life at this point and 'what happens next' seems more important.

Odd things keep happening. Kelly's grandpaw (and his pack o' dawgs) has become a much more integral character than I initially intended him to be. Most of the books 'outlaw philosphy' is emerging from his mouth -- so much so that I finally broke down and named him 'Wolf'. :P Marie is becoming a darker, scarier thing, a development I'm not real happy about but seem to have no say over, dammit.

From not having a defined villian (The Crumbler is more concept than character, of course) I've gone to having too damn many. Some are going to have to go bye-bye just for the sake of my sanity and pacing. The most important thing about the villain, and something I wrote on a note and stuck to the wall over my monitor is: THEY THINK THEY ARE THE GOOD GUYS. They only seem conventionally 'villainous' when they act through the real heros, like the Doll in Chap. 1.

Oh yeah -- and I broke 40k! Woohoo! :)


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George Potter

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Re: The Crumbler: Book I - Six Sides
« Reply #44 on: April 29, 2007, 12:49:36 am »


In writing the rough draft, on a few occasions, I have been surprised by whole little scenes that pop out almost complete. Here is one such, from Chapter 19 - Quietude:






They sat in the moonlight, wary and waiting for something neither of them could explain. Kevin felt stiff and stupid, wired up with energy but surrounded by a field that slowed his movements like molasses.

He looked at her. She was watching the moon with dreamy eyes. Her profile reminded him of the moon in a way; a quartermoon. The pale skin reflected a cold loveliness that did the light it shifted a service. The brutal shortness of her hair still surprised him. Despite it's ragged pragmatism and rough hewn cut, it did not detract from her beauty. Instead, somehow, it accentuated it.

She sensed him staring at her and cocked her head at him. She smiled, lopsided and friendly. "What?"

He blushed, grateful to the dark for covering it. "Nothing." he said. Inspiration struck him. "It's too quiet out here is all." He made it a firm statement, firmer than he felt, and reached for his laptop. He busied himself with it. "Care for some music?"

Her smile widened and she drifted back to the moon, leaning back against the car with pleased languor.

"I'd love some music."

"Anything in particular?" He called up a huge list, scrolled through it idly.

"Surprise me." Her voice was soft, distracted.

He clicked the Random button, hoping for the best. As he sat the laptop on the car's hood, the first notes struck the air, the hexamped speakers producing quality far beyond their actual means. At the same time, his arm brushed hers. He felt her stiffen, go as rigid as a post.

"Sorry." he whispered, heart and stomach sinking.

"Lord." she whispered. "Oh, Lord. What is that?"

She meant the music, he realized. That was the cause of her reaction. Not his touch. Stupid relief flooded him. He was almost ashamed of it. Of the intensity. He was headed for trouble.

The short hairs on the back of her neck were standing at full attention. Even in the moonlight, he could see the gooseflesh grip her arm.

He smiled at the laptop. "Chopin." he said. "Opus 15, Number 3, to be exact." He listened for a moment, as the notes spiraled in the air around them, haunting and lovely and sad. "The Nocturne in G Minor'"

He stole a glance at her. She hadn't moved, and he was surprised to see her crying. Slow tears made their way from wide eyes.

"Do you like it?" he asked, wishing he could think of something more profound than such a simple question.

"Shut up and let me listen, please." she whispered, not unkindly. Her eyes closed, washing faster tears down her face.

They sat in the grip of the music for a moment. "It's beautiful." she finally whispered, as the track trailed off. "Like something you can't believe came from a person. Like something you'd think angels made."

Kevin found himself at a loss for words. He wanted to reach out and touch her, but held back. She remained stock still. As he was about to say something, anything, to fill the void, she looked at him.

"You know what the worst part of wasting your life as a drug fiend is?"

He pondered. He shook his head.

She sighed. "It's living in servitude to the base of your spine. Selling your body and soul as a slave to this one single, stupid sensation. When there is a whole world of sensations out there."

She took a breath, wiped her eyes, and continued.

"You lie to yourself, and say that it's the best sensation. You lie to yourself and say that it's the only sensation that matters. But that's just the base of the spine, those lies. That's just the whiphand of the slave master. It takes everything from you. And it gives you fucking nothing back." She almost growled this last. She broke off, and stared at the moon again for a moment. When she resumed, the anger was still there, but she had control of it.

"And all that time, all that awful wasted time, there are things like that." She nodded at the laptop. "Things that ask nothing and give so much." She was crying again, but she looked right at him and managed a little laugh.

"I wasted ten years of my life that I could have been listening to Chopin. To Chopin and God only knows what else." Her smile was unsteady, but genuine. "And that's the worst thing about being a drug fiend."

He considered saying something, but everything that came to mind seemed facetious. Instead, he simply hit play again. The music spiraled up. He held out his hand.

"Would you like to dance?" he asked.

She actually blushed, wiping her eyes again. "I can't dance." she said.

He remembered her among the mob of feds the day before, the perfect, deadly,  exacting motions almost too quick for the eye to follow, the holy song that thrummed from her, and begged to disagree. But he just said:

"Neither can I. So we're even."

She laughed, but she took his hand.

There in the road, they danced. Clumsily and sweetly, the way people dance when no one else is watching.

She smiled into his eyes. "Where I grew up, the church we went to, they called dancing a sin."

He laughed. "You hear all kinds of crazy stuff in churches." he told her.

"But why a sin?" she asked, moving a little closer as they spun slowly to the lilting notes.

He thought about it, never taking his eyes from hers. "Maybe...well, think about it." His hands moved up her back, cradling the line of her shoulder blades. She melted into the spin, and his arms, like honey.

"Dancing means touching. And moving. And hearts beating...a little faster." Was it his imagination or were there faces growing closer?

"It means remembering that your alive, and curious and..."

It wasn't his imagination. Their faces were closer. Kelly's cocked at an angle. Her eyes gleamed. Her voice was a whisper. "Yeah?"

His was as quiet. "And after that realization, anything might happen."

Her eyes closed slowly. She moved towards him.

"And that's why dancing is a sin." he managed before the kiss happened.

It lasted a nice long time.











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