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[padre29]

Out of curiousity,  Is being single the way to go? Or is it wiser to be attached to someone?

Does being single become a a habit or duty in the same way that being in a relationship is?

I've met both sides of the spectrum including, both sides have merit, the single person however, has freedom of action without any consultation.


Being single is great!

[Roy J. Tellason]

I dunno if I'd use the word "wiser" in this context.  Or "habit" or "duty",  either...

Personally I'm thinking that it has more to do with temperment than anything else.  I've always had the inclination to have somebody around to share with,  even if that choice of somebody isn't the best one I could've made (been there and done that one).  OTOH I have a friend who was single for quite a long time,  and I thought that he was going to be pretty much always.  Then he up and got married,  came as a bit of a surprise to me,  that did.  <shrug>

I've been "partnered" now for a bunch of years with the same lady,  it's hit the "half my life and then some" point,  which is an interesting thing to have happen.  And it's also occurred to me that at some point down the road,  barring some fairly unusual circumstances,  one of us is going to have to go on without the other,  a thought that always fills me with great sadness,  no matter which of us goes first.  I really value what we've got,  and who we are to each other.

Could I have lived without that if my life had taken a different path?  Possibly.  Would I have wanted to?  I doubt it.  I'd have probably hooked up with somebody else,  I guess,  and there's no telling how that would've turned out...

[padre29]

Deleted Delete.

[dervish]

Not to be rude, is it possible that you reached your point of " I need to have a relationship?"

I don't understand what you're asking him here.  Are you asking him if he needs a maid/mother?  I would doubt that it's such a relationship as he'd be sad if he dies first, leaving her alone and bereft.

If you mean something else, I don't get it.  And maybe he doesn't either.





And to add my own pot to the luck, I'd go with what Roy says.  It's temperament.  There are times when one wants a relationship and when one doesn't.  Others go most of their lives needing one or not wanting one.  To each their own. 

I've personally been single and totally loved it.  Right now I'm in a deep relationship and love it like nothing else.  It's a drug in a way.  Or in the wise lyrics of Garbage (sung by Shirley Manson):

You come on like a drug
I just can't get enough
I'm like an addict coming at you for a little more
And there's so much at stake
I can't afford to waste
I never needed anybody like this before

--Garbage, Temptation Waits


What really sucks for me are these cycles of hardcore maternal instincts and morbid thoughts.  Hmph.  I don't expect guys to understand that.  If I share it and it's misunderstood (which it likely will be), I'll get annoyed, so best I don't.  Especially as I'm suspecting there's a bit of latent hostility in the question anyway.

[padre29]

Perhaps I was not clear, there is no hostile intent at all on my part. I have met many people whose entire mission in life is to be in a relationship. They judge there entire self worth based on whom they are seeing at the time.


Please accept my apology if I offended anyone. I meant the question more along the lines of "is being single fine with most posters here? Or are most people "looking for" a significant other?"

For myself, there are times when I'm happy to be bachelor, and all of the freedom that entails, and there are times when being a bachelor is less than pleasant. Especially at social events.

and then there are times when having a family sounds great. Who wouldn't want rugrats running around ? Then there are times when it is a good thing that I don't have any.

How can you buy a Glock 35 when you need to buy diapers?

[purple kitty]

I have been single for most of my life. People sometimes ask me "so, why are you single?" (like I have an answer for this) and I like to respond "because I'm good at it."

I live alone with a cat and I really enjoy waking up every morning and not having to talk to people. Or coming home at night and not having to answer to "so how was your day?" But, sometimes I do wish I had a somebody. Mostly when I am with friends that are attached, or with my family (all of my siblings except me are married) and I tend to feel left out for being single (and not even dating people). I don't want to be unattached forever, but we'll see.

Who wouldn't want rugrats running around ?

I just spent a week with my sister who has a young daughter (almost 3). Her daughter is very cute and very well behaved and I still decided that I don't want kids for... a while.. And if I think I'm about ready for kids, I will go visit a relative with young children for a few days and see if I don't change my mind.

[Kirsten]

*

[Erin]

*

[padre29]

I have been single for most of my life. People sometimes ask me "so, why are you single?" (like I have an answer for this) and I like to respond "because I'm good at it."

Now that is incredibly funny. "why are you still single"? "Because I'm good at it"

Touche'

In a strange way though, doesn't having children mean that one's DNA/Life philosophy is being insured of passing on through one's children? In a strange way not having children could be construed as a sort of Darwinian "dead end"? If one's thoughts and genes and ideas are really great, then why isn't the DNA passed forward?

I'm double minded about children, on the one hand the concept is wonderful on the other hand it would not be a good thing to pick up that responsibility if one isn't prepared for it.

I can't help but notice that the ladies on the board are not all that excited about the idea of kids(small goats if one thinks about it...)

[purple kitty]

In a strange way though, doesn't having children mean that one's DNA/Life philosophy is being insured of passing on through one's children? In a strange way not having children could be construed as a sort of Darwinian "dead end"? If one's thoughts and genes and ideas are really great, then why isn't the DNA passed forward?

I can't help but notice that the ladies on the board are not all that excited about the idea of kids(small goats if one thinks about it...)

One of the reasons I may ever want to have children is because I think I'm smart and I think I'm pretty and I think the human species could use more people like me. Incredibly selfish, I know. Of course, I need a smart, attractive male to complete my evil plan. mwahahahahaha.

But, really, I don't like kids all that much. Other people's kids are nice because you can give them back. I hope that I like my children more.

[Brenda]

I like being single *now* since it means more freedom and, frankly, a lot less responsibility. I never, at any point in my life, actually believed that I would ever get married, but it is only recently that the real impact of this has hit home. Sure, it's fun now, but someday my relatives--who are all older than me--will be dead, and I'll just be some old maid trying to get by on her own. So while I can certainly live without "romance" I think it would be a lot more practical and satisfying to go through life with a partner. 

Regarding kids...there's crucial difference between children as an abstract concept and as YOUR children. Nobody particularly likes them in theory, or sitting next to you on the plane, but I think it's different when you're holding your own little DNA-carrier. (Thus saith the old maid--like I would know, huh?) I wouldn't mind having kids, but I have such a bleak view of the future that I am seriously uncomfortable with the idea of bringing anyone into the world now.

(On the other hand, life is always hard, and if everyone were as defeatist as me then we'd be extinct by now.)

On a more practical level, I wouldn't want to have children unless I was sure that I could stay with them and home-school them. School was bad enough when I didn't understand what they were doing to me; now that I know what they're up to I couldn't bear to turn my own kids over. Given the weird disdain that this society has for "housewives" I doubt that I could find a man willing to support this.

[padre29]

In a strange way though, doesn't having children mean that one's DNA/Life philosophy is being insured of passing on through one's children? In a strange way not having children could be construed as a sort of Darwinian "dead end"? If one's thoughts and genes and ideas are really great, then why isn't the DNA passed forward?

I can't help but notice that the ladies on the board are not all that excited about the idea of kids(small goats if one thinks about it...)

One of the reasons I may ever want to have children is because I think I'm smart and I think I'm pretty and I think the human species could use more people like me. Incredibly selfish, I know. Of course, I need a smart, attractive male to complete my evil plan. mwahahahahaha.

But, really, I don't like kids all that much. Other people's kids are nice because you can give them back. I hope that I like my children more.

Just shake them up like a can of coke before you give the kids back to the parents. The results are spectacular......

And that is the way that I think sometimes. "I'm good looking, and smart and any progeny could only help this messed up place" So why not have children? That could be desire overpowering reality though. Some folks just aren't "wired" for children to be a part of the eqaution.

Sometimes the whole Married=Children=House idea sounds great, and other days, fogetabotit,

[padre29]

I like being single *now* since it means more freedom and, frankly, a lot less responsibility. I never, at any point in my life, actually believed that I would ever get married, but it is only recently that the real impact of this has hit home. Sure, it's fun now, but someday my relatives--who are all older than me--will be dead, and I'll just be some old maid trying to get by on her own. So while I can certainly live without "romance" I think it would be a lot more practical and satisfying to go through life with a partner. 

Regarding kids...there's crucial difference between children as an abstract concept and as YOUR children. Nobody particularly likes them in theory, or sitting next to you on the plane, but I think it's different when you're holding your own little DNA-carrier. (Thus saith the old maid--like I would know, huh?) I wouldn't mind having kids, but I have such a bleak view of the future that I am seriously uncomfortable with the idea of bringing anyone into the world now.

(On the other hand, life is always hard, and if everyone were as defeatist as me then we'd be extinct by now.)

On a more practical level, I wouldn't want to have children unless I was sure that I could stay with them and home-school them. School was bad enough when I didn't understand what they were doing to me; now that I know what they're up to I couldn't bear to turn my own kids over. Given the weird disdain that this society has for "housewives" I doubt that I could find a man willing to support this.

Bleak isn't it? For myself at least, not every relationship leads to having children, neither should it lead to that. Strange how being single leads to the inevitable questions of "Why are still single?" and if one is in a relationship the "other question "Are you going to have children?"

To myself at least, this is a vexing question. Is the purpose of having a relationship to procreate? Or is it to enjoy each others company? IMO the latter leads to the former, however who really asks themselves "She or He is going to be my child's babies Father or Mother"?

speaking for myself, I do not know.

[purple kitty]

On a more practical level, I wouldn't want to have children unless I was sure that I could stay with them and home-school them. School was bad enough when I didn't understand what they were doing to me; now that I know what they're up to I couldn't bear to turn my own kids over. Given the weird disdain that this society has for "housewives" I doubt that I could find a man willing to support this.

I find that *men* are generally supportive of being a "housewife," but many of them are against homeschooling, usually pulling the "socialization" card. I actually quit talking to someone because he so insulted my beliefs on homeschooling. "Career women" tend to be very hostile to the "housewife" idea. My mother, especially. She was never there when I was a kid, and I don't want that for my children at all.

To myself at least, this is a vexing question. Is the purpose of having a relationship to procreate? Or is it to enjoy each others company? IMO the latter leads to the former, however who really asks themselves "She or He is going to be my child's babies Father or Mother"?

I would think of this if I date someone.. I always have to ask myself if I want this person's genetic material mingling with mine. And if I don't, I probably don't want them much for a companion anyway.

[padre29]

On a more practical level, I wouldn't want to have children unless I was sure that I could stay with them and home-school them. School was bad enough when I didn't understand what they were doing to me; now that I know what they're up to I couldn't bear to turn my own kids over. Given the weird disdain that this society has for "housewives" I doubt that I could find a man willing to support this.

I find that *men* are generally supportive of being a "housewife," but many of them are against homeschooling, usually pulling the "socialization" card. I actually quit talking to someone because he so insulted my beliefs on homeschooling. "Career women" tend to be very hostile to the "housewife" idea. My mother, especially. She was never there when I was a kid, and I don't want that for my children at all.

To myself at least, this is a vexing question. Is the purpose of having a relationship to procreate? Or is it to enjoy each others company? IMO the latter leads to the former, however who really asks themselves "She or He is going to be my child's babies Father or Mother"?

I would think of this if I date someone.. I always have to ask myself if I want this person's genetic material mingling with mine. And if I don't, I probably don't want them much for a companion anyway.

PK, that is just cold, "I have to ask myself if I want this person's genetic material mingling with mine"

Soon enough that is going to be the insurance industries standard.

And the whole "men should be sensitive" crap leaves men in a dilemma. So men are not supposed to wash dishes etc? A "real" man leaves all of the housework up to his wife?

Come on now, a relationship should be a partnership. That is one of the reasons why I am not in a relationship at this point. The entire "approval" process is not palatable at this point in time.