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[securitysix]

OK, so, being socially awkward at best and downright socially inept when it comes to dealing with pretty girls, I'm going to ask for some advice here.

I recently met a girl that I think I would like to get to know better because she's pretty and nice (thought that may just be due to the fact that she's in a customer service position and the being nice is just part of her job).  Unfortunately, I only know her through her work (she helped me get switched from my old auto insurance provider to the insurance provider she works for), and the only contact information I have for her is through said work.

Is it acceptable for me to ask her out through her work contacts?  If so, is it better to do so in person (thus in her office, which has a semi-open floor plan and would make things awkward as hell for me and probably her), over her work phone (which may or may not be recorded for quality control purposes, though I've heard no recordings indicating that), or her work email (which, by passing through the internet, would be permanently recorded somewhere)?

Or am I better off going with my normal method of dealing with women, which is "speak as little as possible and hope doing so doesn't seem too creepy"?

Thanks in advance.

[padre29]

Well, imo it is always better to do things in person.

[MamaLiberty]

Write her a nice thank you note or buy a thank you card and personalize it. Take it into the office and give it to her. You could also write a simple note to her boss, telling him/her that you really appreciate this person's help... just don't get too flowery.

You will probably know by her response to your card if she is open to further contacts. Just tell her honestly that you would very much like to get to know her better. If she responds by giving you a phone number or indicates she is interested... you can take the next step and ask her out for coffee or something.

Just go slowly and don't be too intense. Good luck!!

[Mr. Dare]

+1 on not being too intense... A lot of us have a hard time with that bit. I always took those initial dating steps waaaaaaay to seriously and as a result probably scared off a lot of women who might have been interested. Try and relax, find some common ground, do lunch, and by all means talk as much as possible. You might express interest to a co-worker to see if she is already dating, and often someone who already knows both of you can steer you to those common interests you might have. Only go through a coworker if you know them well (I'm talking actually more than a casual acquaintance). If you don't know anyone else better than her, You are probably better off just walking in one day and asking her to lunch than using a go-between you don't know.

[amagi]

Be direct and simple.  Take the least hesitation as a firm no.  She is in a public position and is required to treat everyone well.  Lunch is a good idea.  Or ask her if you can bring her anything.  Like a coke.

Say something like "Would I be out of line to ask you to lunch?" or "Would your job be in trouble if I took you to lunch?"  Make it easy for her to say no or she will feel trapped.

[padre29]

why not ask if she'd like/be available to grab a cup of coffee/cappucino/chai what have you?

Very low intensity and it would not ask her to block out a large amount of her time that day.

[securitysix]

Well, she's married, so that's that, I suppose.  Thanks for the advice, folks.  One of these days, I'm sure I'll come across the right girl and instead of "I have a boyfriend/fiance/husband", she'll say something encouraging, like "Meh, what the hell, I could do worse..." 

[Moonbeam]

Sorry about that. I know it can be frustrating. Hang in there 

[stainzblue]

OK, so, being socially awkward at best and downright socially inept when it comes to dealing with pretty girls, I'm going to ask for some advice here.

Join the club!  The most suave seeming Don Juan types are either faking it, or are so narcissistic that they are oblivious.   Being human in itself is a diagnosis and should be in the DSMIV.  Relax.

Be confident.  And you can't fake that.  But confident in a subtle way, nothing contrived. Every woman that I have dated has told me that they found my confidence sexy.  (And I'm short, fat, bald, and ugly!) You have to realize you are worthy to court the brightest and prettiest lady out there.  And I think we can all attest to the fact that you are worthy.  If you can spare it, treat yourself to a nice set of threads and swagger a little.

Smile and be happy.  All people want to surround themselves with people that are genuinely happy.  I know it's tough for those of us that are tuned into what is going on in the world.  Spend time looking at things of beauty, whatever floats your boat, whether it's flowers, rainbows, or ML's new gun.  Prolly best not to mention you're a prepper on the first date unless for some reason she is too.

Even if you hate dancing, if you get the chance to go dancing with a date, DO IT.  Make a fool of yourself, release some endorphins.  It's a primal mating thing.  Just don't get too sweaty!  There's no such thing as a bad dancer unless you step on her feet too much.

Make mental notes of things you may have discussed with a lady you may like to date.  Remembering something may seem trivial, but it shows that you are capable of intimacy.  If she mentions she had to take her dog to a vet, follow up the next time you see her and ask how the vet visit went.  And again, it's hard to fake that.  If you genuinely like someone, you should remember something like that anyway.

Don't stress about it.  Easier said than done I know.

Peace Bro,
SB

[Rarick]

That is always an awkward situation.   Asking in person is one way, coffee or lunch and totally non-binding.   A 1 time call on the phone could be used too, and for folks used to e-mail and cell phone- less threatening, again a strictly non- committal agreement for coffe or a sammich......   I would get her/ give my number after the coffee if things seem to work out- or even if they do not seem to.  She can say no easy enough.   Then I would keep it strictly business until she came to me.......

[padre29]

Well, she's married, so that's that, I suppose.  Thanks for the advice, folks.  One of these days, I'm sure I'll come across the right girl and instead of "I have a boyfriend/fiance/husband", she'll say something encouraging, like "Meh, what the hell, I could do worse..." 

Well all I can really say is to keep asking and to not turtle up and stop trying.

Sounds like you like really solid, quiet ladies who seem to have everything worked out.

[securitysix]

Well, she's married, so that's that, I suppose.  Thanks for the advice, folks.  One of these days, I'm sure I'll come across the right girl and instead of "I have a boyfriend/fiance/husband", she'll say something encouraging, like "Meh, what the hell, I could do worse..." 

Well all I can really say is to keep asking and to not turtle up and stop trying.

Sounds like you like really solid, quiet ladies who seem to have everything worked out.

That's exactly the sort I like.  Seems like every other guy around here does, too, though.  They're all taken.

Oh, well.  I hear patience is a virtue.  I've tried being patient, but I usually wind up just being stubborn. 

I'm sure when the right woman comes along, she'll tell me.

[padre29]

Well, she's married, so that's that, I suppose.  Thanks for the advice, folks.  One of these days, I'm sure I'll come across the right girl and instead of "I have a boyfriend/fiance/husband", she'll say something encouraging, like "Meh, what the hell, I could do worse..." 

Well all I can really say is to keep asking and to not turtle up and stop trying.

Sounds like you like really solid, quiet ladies who seem to have everything worked out.

That's exactly the sort I like.  Seems like every other guy around here does, too, though.  They're all taken.

Oh, well.  I hear patience is a virtue.  I've tried being patient, but I usually wind up just being stubborn. 

I'm sure when the right woman comes along, she'll tell me.

Well, sort of, keep in mind a women like that LOVES the chase!

Being solid and consistent personally does not mean they just plan on tossing their lot in with a nice man, they wish to be shown how valued they are before really commit!

As for me, I prefer the more mysterious type!

Don't ask me how that has turned out so far...

[socalserf]

Have you considered internet dating?

How do you get to be a good shooter? Shoot alot, right?

I'm not saying love em and leave em, I'm saying have a lot of coffee with alot of women.
Get comfortable talking to good looking ladies, and of course when I say talking to women I mean
listening to them mostly, and above all getting them to laugh.

Practice, practice, practice.
When you think you might have th right lady, ask if she wants to go to the range and then you may know.