The Mental Militia Forums

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

A welcome from Elias for all new members!

Pages: 1 2 [3]   Go Down

Author Topic: Considering being single again  (Read 8286 times)

stainzblue

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 616
Re: Considering being single again
« Reply #30 on: April 14, 2009, 09:53:56 PM »

Still breathing here.  Working through this crap is the absolute toughest thing I ever had to do in my life.  I mean, I'm choosing to do it.  Interestingly, I have found that men (both here on the forum and local) , overwhelmingly, advocate for forgiveness and working it out.  Women, however, advise against understanding and reconciliation.  I thought that was interesting enough to post here. 

Peace,
SB

 
Logged
"I hate using the "ignore user" button, but some people make it absolutely necessary." Me
"The most important part of survival is the mind. It is your mind that tells you to prepare for hard times. [...] It is also your mind that tells you how to handle hard times you didn't think to prepare for."  
securitysix

Canadian Mamma

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 563
Re: Considering being single again
« Reply #31 on: April 14, 2009, 10:11:11 PM »

It is interesting, but you might want to take that from where it is coming from.

You see we tend to KNOW how certain women think, we see it clearer, we "get it" to what depth a woman will sink to, we have all heard the talking, seen the machinations of a woman who is "working things out".  WE ALL KNOW what some kinds of women are capable of . (I am not necessarily categorizing your lady in this group and I can't speak for the other ladies on this forum, but there is concern.)

Men they tend to be a very straight forward thinkers and doers when it comes to problem solving a situation, certain types of women? Not so much......
Logged
Life is tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid.........John Wayne

The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing and then marry him.

Zookeeper

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 193
Re: Considering being single again
« Reply #32 on: April 16, 2009, 10:23:18 PM »

I agree C.M.
Im glad to see your still out there stainzblue.
Logged

stainzblue

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 616
Re: Considering being single again
« Reply #33 on: April 29, 2009, 02:37:07 PM »

Men they tend to be a very straight forward thinkers and doers when it comes to problem solving a situation, certain types of women? Not so much......

I wish I would have known that tidbit 9 years ago...

Still here zookeeper, thanks, as always, for your kind words.  Sometimes barely by a thread.  I've lost nearly 15 pounds, and I work out regularly.  I've spent the past decade being invisible to the opposite sex because I stopped taking care of myself!  It's nice to actually be noticed now!  I'm proud to say that my pectoral muscles protrude father than my gut, I have fewer fewer chins and what is beginning to look like a neck between my head and shoulders.  You've gotta keep a sense of humor! 

Canadian Mama, if you don't mind I may send you a pm at some point over the weekend.
Peace,
SB
« Last Edit: April 02, 2013, 09:08:44 AM by stainzblue »
Logged
"I hate using the "ignore user" button, but some people make it absolutely necessary." Me
"The most important part of survival is the mind. It is your mind that tells you to prepare for hard times. [...] It is also your mind that tells you how to handle hard times you didn't think to prepare for."  
securitysix

Roy J. Tellason

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 6122
  • Techy Kinda Guy and Serious Bookaholic
    • Roy J. Tellason's Home Page
Re: Considering being single again
« Reply #34 on: June 01, 2009, 12:49:41 PM »

Men they tend to be a very straight forward thinkers and doers when it comes to problem solving a situation, certain types of women? Not so much......

I wish I would have known that tidbit 9 years ago...  Man, I'm gonna consult with women exclusively when I'm vetting my next partner!

Hah!   :-)

You said,  in your first post in this thread:

Quote
If she really wanted me to stop doing what I was doing, all she had to say is, "HEY enough is enough with the dogs and the guns and the end of the world stuff"; she needed to tell me CLEARLY in man language.  Otherwise, I just kind of shrugged it off because she was speaking that hinting ,subtle female language men just don't understand.

I have a vague recollection way back when,   of spending my childhood years with other guys and not playing with girls much -- they were *different*...

Coming out of that period of my life also coincided with a whole hell of a lot of other things going on in society,  women's lib being one of them,  in the mid- to late sixties.

So overall I just tend to think of women as just people,  though with seriously different bodies (a difference that I tend to appreciate every chance I get :-).

But!  It really does go further than that.  Women _think_ differently.  Their priorities are different,  their modes of operating are different,  and in spite of the typical female put-down about men being simpler,  I don't think that's all of it,  because there are things men do with their minds that most women either can't or at least aren't inclined to.

I'm in an ongoing relationship now,  common-law married,  in the sense that we're living it but never sought the permission of any government or religion to cohabit,  that's lasted over 30 years,  and in spite of having acted badly in some instances,  she still wants me around (no,  I didn't cheat on her).  And vice versa,  there are things about her that absolutely drive me NUTS!  But seriously the only thing that's threatening our situation is health issues that have arisen in recent years,  and particularly that have arisen in recent months.

In spite of that,  we _still_ have times when we're not communicating "properly",  where she'll say something and I won't catch where she's coming from,  or I'll say something and she doesn't understand where it's at in my set of priorities,  or whatever the case may be.  Thirty years plus,  and we're still working on communications.  So yeah,  communications are a key point in terms of maintaining any relationship, and will be a deciding factor in terms of what you end up with.  That's one thing.

The other thing is committment,  which I'm pretty comfortable in saying that we've got here.  It's something you didn't sound too sure of in your posts,  and I can understand why that might be the case.  I'll second the suggestions of thrashing things out and going over all sorts of ground and making sure you each have the same understanding of where all the lines are drawn for each of you.  And not just assuming that you understand what she means when she says something or that she understands where you're coming from in a given situation.

I'm of the opinion that a person can't quite be all things to another person,  that there will always be some needs,  or even some interests that you go elsewhere for.  This isn't necessarily a bad thing,  as long as it's done with respect for your partner.  But you need to have that understanding of each other that only comes with a lot of work over a long period of time for that to work.

Just tossing out some random thoughts here,  and I hope that some of it turns out to be helpful

Good luck.


Logged
Member of the toughest, meanest, deadliest, most unrelenting -- and ablest -- form of life in this section of space,  a critter that can be killed but can't be tamed.  --Robert A. Heinlein, "The Puppet Masters"
--
Information is more dangerous than cannon to a society ruled by lies. --James M Dakin
Pages: 1 2 [3]   Go Up